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Mel to Syd @ 7:00am on Saturday – JASA. Well this was my most eventful flight so far. I got on the plane with my boarding pass for seat 2A and was pleasantly surprised by a very hardcore looking bikey sitting in my seat holding a boarding pass in his hand for seat 42E. I politely advised him that he was in my seat, he looked at me with a death stare and then proceeded to turn the other way.

I must admit i felt very intimidated and didnt want to hold up the rest of the boarding process so I just sat down in 2B. As per usual the FA’s didn’t bother to greet passengers and therefore did not pickup on the fact that this guy was not sitting where he should have been. Doors closed and the FA’s went to they’re jump seats and the departure was now in motion.

So now I had a little dilemma on my hands, if I complain to the FA about this guy several things could happen, 1. he could get into an argument with the FA’s and make the plane turn around because the FA’s would be scared (no good for me as I had connections to catch), 2. I could advise the front cabin attendant and then have this passenger know that I dobbed him in. 3. I could go to the FA’s in the next cabin and explain the situation to them.

I decided to go with option 3 once the plane had leveled out after take off. This is how the conversation went:

Adam: Excuse me what does my boarding card say
FA: It says seat 2A sir.
Adam: So why is there a very intimidating person sitting in my seat?
FA: What do you mean?
Adam: I mean that I pay a premium over the other passengers to sit at the front of the aircraft and there is a passenger sitting next to me holding a boarding card to 42E, he is a pretty intimidating looking person and I should not have to be put into a position where I feel intimidated when I fly with your airline, especially in Business Class.
FA: Yes sir this is definitely a problem, lets go back to row 2 and we can have him moved to his actual seat.
Adam: I dont want to come with you to row 2 and have him moved, I dont want this person knowing that I am the reason he is being moved, the last thing I want is this guy and/or his friends confronting me on arrival into Sydney, I should never have been put in this position in the first place and its unacceptable.
FA: Ok, you hide in the galley and as he walks one direction we will signal you and you walk the other direction so you don’t make any contact with him.
Adam: OK
This happened and I then went back to my seat (already 30 mins into the flight)
CSM: Hi sir, I just wanted to let you know that we would have realized that he was in the wrong seat as we go through the manifest.
Adam: You would have realised when you serve the food because thats when you would check the manifest for Business Class.
CSM: No, this is not the case we would have picked it up straight away……
Adam: whatever you say, the fact that I had to go and tell FA’s in the middle cabin because I felt intimidated is completely unacceptable and this should never have occured. You can see the entire business cabin when you board the plane and the fact that he sat in 2A straight away shows a lack of awareness from your Cabin Crew when boarding the plane.
CSM: Enjoy the rest of the flight

I have to say in all my years of flying this was definitely the most awkward situation I have been in. I spent the remainder of the flight worried about my personal safety in case this guy saw me when we got off the plane. As soon as i got off I went straight to the lounge to ensure that he would not be able to spot me. I told the staff at the counter at the lounge, they handed me a business card with a web address to the online submission form for complaints………Wow what an amazing customer service system they have in place, what a disgrace.

FlymeFunky response:

Here’s an idea… grow some balls. Had I been in that position I would’ve gone to the FA in the first instance. Not sit and tremble over the imposing gentleman next to you and fret over your safety when arriving in Sydney.

It’s unfortunate that you had to sit next to a degenerate but it’s even more unfortunate that you didn’t look at the positives of the situation e.g. you could’ve made friends with the bogan biker – you may need him to kneecap your ex-wife one day. Or you could’ve spent the flight relaxing and drinking with your new mate – perhaps he would’ve offered you some of his meth?

I think the overarching issue here is that you sat motionless and plagued by inaction when it could’ve been easily resolved before departure. Perhaps buy the book “Feel the fear and do it anyway” – it may give you some pointers.

Two nights ago, I was on DL133 from New York to Los Angeles. Mayhem occured when Delta decided to switch seats for several pax while boarding. Our flight finally took off. Moments after take-off, a kid in the row in back of me decides to vomit all over the place. 3 FAs came by with tons of towels, airsick bags and gloves to clean the mess. Regurgitated nachos all over the place.

The stench in the cabin resulted in my seatmates pulling out their perfumes. A woman across from me said “Delta, never again! Let’s start our own airline.” The clean up continued where the FAs had to remove the seat cushions and bring all the soiled cushions, towels, etc. to the rear lavatory ,which resulted in closing that lavatory for the rest of the flight.

Then 3 hours later, my seatmate next to me decides to get sick and immediately starts barfing. Unbelievable! Perhaps it was the foul recirculated air that made her sick but I think my seatmate may have had one too many drinks and the kid behind me just had a weak stomach. In between all this, another man in an adjacent seat was snoring loudly. Meanwhile of course, the sick passengers remained in their precious seats and could not be moved somewhere else because the plane was completely full.

FlymeFunky response:

Foul. Absolutely foul. Are you in karma deficit? It seems like you got a royal fuck-you from the karma gods.

I don’t have much to say about this but to say “fly business class”.  There tends to be less children in business class and therefore less opportunity for nacho-vomit purée. The snoring guy had the right idea; dose up on benzos, drift off to sleep and avoid five hours of eye-watering vomit stench.

On AC 194 yesterday, I did not get an upgrade, but I had my original seat — 12D, the first row behind business. I was able to see through the gap in the curtains everything that went on there.

Now, I’ve always considered the washroom at the front to be reserved for business class ticket holders, but all through the flight, people from the back went up to use it. Whatever. An hour out of Montreal, I felt the need to use a washroom, and for 15 minutes looked to the back of the plane. The red lights were always on, there was always a lineup.

So right after another woman from the cheap side of the curtain used the front washroom, I went up there. I was turned back, and told to use the one at the back. OK, I said.

Fifteen minutes later, I got back up to my seat at the front. And during the rest of the flight, I watched as people from the back went up to use the washroom at the front. The dude looking after that area turned none of them away. Only me. I have no idea why I was the only one deemed unworthy, and really, it was annoying. My pee, and my pee alone, is not good enough for the business class potty.

So what are the rules regarding this? Should I have pressed the issue? I planned to mention it to the dude as I was getting off the plane, but because of gate issues we were terribly late getting in, and I had a connection.

FlymeFunky response:

The rules are, if you fly business class you get to use the business class porcelain. If you fly economy class, you have to use the economy class troughs. I didn’t think it was that hard to follow really?

In any case, the Air Canada flight attendants in business class shouldn’t have allowed those previous passengers in the cabin. Maybe they were busy in the galley or attending to the whims of the passengers in business class? Unfortunately it seems like you weren’t so stealth in your rush for the business class toilets – timing is the key for a classic premium cabin toilet dash.

The walk to the back of the aircraft to use the economy toilets was what – 20 meters away? Are we so lazy in 2012 that a 20 meter walk to use the bathroom becomes all to hard for us?