This week, we stalk the Qantas facebook page to scope out social media’s worst travel complaints…

FlymeFunky response: If you haven’t heard, apparently the contrails from Qantas jets are poisoning us in an epic plot to destroy the masses. If the conspiracy theorists are to be believed, there is “hugely damning evidence” that the airline is spaying us all with chemicals. Lets not bother with employing scientific fact and logic because clearly, this is bona-fide fact. Bee – you’re a nutter…

Flymefunky response: I don’t know about you, but when i’m severely concussed after a smashed head from a routine British Airways blunder, my first thoughts generally do not involve launching facebook to tell Qantas all about it. Who does that? And it can’t be that bad if you can’t still log on and compose a message. Mandy – this may be news to you but Qantas doesn’t step in as your very own personal assistant to contact your travel insurer. What did your last slave die of?

FlymeFunky response: Adam… since when has the difference between Business and Economy been 10%? Um, like never? Whilst we all agree that those clapped out 767 and 734′s floating around on the Qantas network are a hideous ride, you do actually get a choice of aircraft when making a booking. In terms of ‘no difference in service’ – well I think you will find that the service provided on all Qantas flights is fairly consistent irrespective of the aircraft.

FlymeFunky response: OK I’m calling bullshit on this one Bazza – “two international and several short haul” flights a month would certainly get you above the benchmark of Silver over the a 12 month period.  Readers – If you had seen our previous Whingers of the Week, you would’ve seen the furore from a mob of entitled silver frequent flyers and the wrath they bestow upon an airline. Hardly seems worth the a bother really – why not scrap silver altogether? And Barry – love your use of the word “forsake” and your reference to a ‘calendar’ month. Pure genuis.

FlymeFunky response: Ever flown into London Heathrow at the crack of dawn Lucy? Obviously not. Because LHR has the worst arrival merry-go-round that makes Brisbane seem like a walk in the park. Further, the delays have absolutely nothing to do with Qantas at all, so it seems odd that you would expect the airline to pick up this slack.

FlymeFunky response: I guess the answer to this question is not how Qantas will guarantee its passengers safety, but how will the onslaught of Aussie bogans look after their own safety in the UAE? After-all, we all know that bonking in a cab in front of a muslim taxi driver won’t go down well. We know that crushing up and snorting your codeine in front of UAE immigration staff will end poorly. How is this an issue for Qantas?